"Even though the global population is soaring into the billions, with thousands of religions, languages, philosophies, and cultures represented, ultimately, there are only two kinds of people.
There are those who are certain the world is going to hell in a handbasket, and those who believe in the best is yet to come.
(Actually, there is a third kind of person who thinks traditional Irish dance is the highest form of creative expression, but I really don't want to talk about them.)"
-- Bradley Trevor Grieve, Tomorrow: Adventures in an Uncertain World
And normally, it does.
I'm a perfectionist. A vapid, raging perfectionist. Just ask the friend who stared at me this weekend as I painted and re-painted a wooden box four times and still proclaimed that I didn't like it. If something's not right, and I know it, I will do everything I can do fix it.
I'm not easily disappointed. Because, as you can see, I try, try again. It's not that I'm stubborn (ok maybe a little), it's just that I have a compulsive need to prove myself worthy; not only to other people, but namely to myself. I am likely my own worst enemy. And I can't stand to fall short of my own expectations.
Thus, I don't fail things. I don't lose things. I don't make mistakes very often.
And when I do...God, it hurts. And this week, I suppose I had some cosmic forces just waiting to throw all the shit into the fan at once...and hit high power. I'm talking my whole life's worth of fail I haven't experienced yet.
Yes, I have had an absolutely horrid week. And while I won't go into detail, I will tell you what I've learned.
As much as I loathe to admit, disappointment can be a good thing.
I learned that yes, I am the one I disappoint the most. It doesn't really matter all that much what other people think. And all my life, I've been living up to other people's expectations because I was afraid of not living up to them. So I've been setting my own bar higher so I can be sure I won't fall short of the mark.
The only problem with that is, when you don't quite reach it, you only have further to fall.
But disappointment has taught me something else; you can measure your happiness in hope. I've always been happy trying to strive for more. It's not the trying that's the hard part, it's dealing with the fall. But if you had the audacity to hope and to try in the beginning, then you sure as hell have the guts to keep on going no matter what.
So, I will keep trying, and I suppose I'll fail again at some point in my life. And when it happens, I can look back on Epically Crappy Week and remember the lessons I've learned; that I can only disappoint myself, and that I had the guts to go on now, so I better have the guts later, too.
I've also been thinking of this from an environmental standpoint. Disappointments come every day in environmental issues, from many different groups and many different people. The oil spill is still leaking, the ice sheets are melting, air quality is causing deaths, the cancer rate is on the rise. But there are the strong few who believe that there is hope. That we can get past the disappointments and keep working our way to the top.
I think I'm a good fit for environmental issues because I'm that person who will just keep going, no matter what. I don't give up. I see the bright side. I have faith that we can learn from our mistakes.
And if everyone could realize this, we'd be in a better place, personally and physically.
Disappointments aren't the worst thing that can happen. Deaths and tragedies and accidents aren't disappointments; they're horrible and unavoidable mishaps, most of the time.
So my week could have been much crappier. I realize this. Hey, I'm looking on the bright side already!
The thing with the environment is that we can stop mishaps from happening; we can stop global warming if we try and just have the hope and drive to continue.
There will always be disappointments. There will be things that are your fault, and things that are beyong your control. You will fail some tests, you will lose an opportunity; there will be environmental disasters and there will be failed prototypes.
Apparently my dad was destined to accidentally recycle a thousand dollars.
Shit happens.
But there's always tomorrow; your life isn't over yet. The world hasn't ended yet.
And it's the "yet" that keeps me going.
I highly recommend you read "Tomorrow: Adventures in an Uncertain World" by Bradley Trevor Grieve. It's a great book, made for kids and adults alike, that will guarantee you feel better after reading it. It certainly helped me this week. Here's another excerpt.
Although it may not be on your mind right now, the wisdom you glean from your joys and hardships can always be shared with someone else and, by doing so, you will leave the world a little better than when you found it.
In the meantime, I suggest you keep your chin up, put your walking shoes on, and follow your heart to the ends of the earth.
As you make this journey, always remember that each day is a precious gift. If you can enjoy it for what it is and make the most of it, then believe it or not, there is another extraordinary gift waiting for you.
Tomorrow.
