Nocturnal Animals, Johnny Cash, and the Elusive Single Male Paddler

Photocred: Jeff Bowers, 2005; flikr.com

Warning: low blood sugar and lack of sleep make for an uncharacteristically pessimistic and nonsensical Cate.

Okay, I will admit it, I'm a bad blogger.

I'm sure I could devote the time to sharing my thoughts with you, but:
a) I'm not sure if anybody reads the crap I produce
b) I don't know what to talk about, as there are many things going on my head
c) I'm too damn busy doing...heck, I don't even know what I do half the time

Come to think of it, I spend most of my time engaging in one of two things: thinking or doing.

Now, you must be thinking "duh, what else would you do?" and you're right, but let me explain what I mean.

Recently, I have been thinking about what to do with my life, and I've been doing everything I can to keep creepy flying rodents out of my bedroom at night. I'm starting to come undone a little at the seams. So is the tent that I stuck up in the backyard and that has been pummelled by hail and thrashed against the tree a million times. I don't know which is fairing better, me or the tent.

My somewhat convoluted point is, most people are more one than the other. There are 'thinkers' and there are 'doers'. I feel I'm smack dab right in the middle of those two, and as I'm setting off to find a career, I find myself in a bit of a predicament as to what kind of job I'm best suited for. Right now I'm walking the line between science and policy, and I'm starting to think that I'd like to stay on that line (insert plodding Johnny Cash bassline here).. Not many people are able to follow along with both.

Scientists think, but hate to communicate their findings and associated implications because it generally makes them uncomfortable.

Policy makers do, but don't always have the scientific know-how to understand what's best.

I feel like there needs to be more of the go-betweens. Especially at a time like this, when policy makes no environmental sense and science funding is being slashed and researchers muzzled.

Yet, I'm still at a loss for how to go about it. Where do I want to work? For who? Doing what?

So I suppose it might be helpful for me to draw up some criteria for my future life.

Place:
- I want to live in a small town (no bigger than Peterborough)
- Close enough to cottage country and undeveloped wilderness to escape on weekends
- Where there is a strong community and great opportunities for kids

Job:
- I get to be outside at least a portion of the time and possibly travel
- I get to write about environmental issues/science/policy
- I work with supportive colleagues and have a mentor-type supervisor
- I get to teach/communicate what I know to others
- I make a real difference

Family:
....anyone got any leads on the outdoorsy men? Where the hell are they? I'm starting to get a bit frustrated.

I feel like David Attenborough is creeping through the bush at this very moment in time, and speaking to a cameraman:

"The Elusive Single Male Paddler...a beautiful specimen of humankind! He often hides far out in the Canadian wilderness, scouting for lush, wild places and adventure. He paddles his canoe silently, as not to scare the other animals, however this habit makes it nearly impossible for the Common Outdoorswoman to locate a mate. Perhaps this species will soon slip from existence, forgotten to a world of gadgetry and asphalt..."

Okay, that was a little over the top. But hey, it's how I feel.

For now, I will just keep thinking about the future and hope everything falls into place.

And I suppose my battle with the bats will continue. For some reason they enjoy swooping into my room only when I'm naked and force me to run into the hallway wrapped in a crocheted blanket that really does little to solve the nakedness problem.

I need sleep. And a hug.

Sigh.

Temagami

Among the towering pines we walk,
Finding each other, finding ourselves.
We arrive on the cusp of fall,
Bright flares of red alight the forest around us.

We sit at water’s edge, where shield slopes to shore,
Our voices lapping like lake licking rock.
Wind rustles leaf and needle,
Paddles dip and thump the gunnel.

Together we travel, feeling small but united in the wide wild.
It speaks without words, we listen.
Mist rises from the lake, swirling around as if to secret us from the world.
Together we rise from the clouds, atop a granite ridge, looking upon the land below as if seeing it for the first time.

A cabin glows warm in cold September air,
A single point of light fallen from the sky.
We talk, surrounded by walls not hewn of wood, but of tales of the past;
Old stories and new, melding together in conversation and song.

A small lamp lights a room of smiling faces,
Cheerful melodies float between the trees.
Late into the night we dance,
Hand in hand, arm in arm.

Floorboards thump and laughter rises,
Caught in the rafters like woodsmoke.
Strumming strings, beating drums,
Endless reels and waltzes and ballads.

We talk, we travel, we sing, we dance.
We learn from the land, from each other.
We gain not only new knowledge, but old.
We arrive as a hundred individuals but leave as one.

We arrive with backpacks and leave with memories.
We don’t just  be, we belong, not just here, but together.
It will be but one short year until we return,
Under pine and star, by lake and shore, by path and canoe.

Life, As I Know It

I've mentioned on this blog my particular attraction to autumn. I don't know exactly what it is about the season, but for some reason, my intellectual and, in particular, my creative side is hyper stimulated. Looking back, I realize that I've always been this way, so expect lots of intriguing work from me in the next little bit.

Today was the first day I felt it. That niggling feeling in the back of my mind, like something had changed. Something pulling at me to settle down outside somewhere with a steeped tea and watch the world slowly change around me and simply contemplate.

So I did.

I've been at Trent for two years now, and I've spent a good deal of time on campus. In particular, this year I've been working at the Trent Summer Sports Camp, so I literally am at Trent all the time.

I've recently come to realize that Trent has very much so become a home for me. The amount of personal growth I've experienced since coming here is staggering. I wouldn't say that I've changed. I think that I've really come into my own. I'm continually nearing the person I've always wanted to be.

My life here isn't simple, but it makes sense. I feel like I suit the world around me, finally. I can't say that Peterborough is the place that I will belong in forever, but I feel like right now, at this very moment in time, being here is right for me.

I've been successful in my program at Trent thus far, and I enjoy my classes. I take school seriously, and it pays off. There's nothing worse than trying your hardest for a grade and not getting it -- it just doesn't seem right. The atmosphere on campus is unique. It's difficult to put a finger on at first, but you eventually get a feel for it. Working in the department has given me a different perspective on the university itself, but I find I like it even more, now. Down-to-Earth might describe it, but not quite enough. I feel welcome walking around hallways here, always meeting people I know on the bridge and in Bata. There's an amazing sense of community here, where social class lines are blurry -- everyone mingles with everyone. I've learned so much from a variety of people I am confident I wouldn't have the chance to really talk with anywhere else.

I've met many people here who have actually altered the course of my life. Before I came here, I can only think of a few people who truly have had a profound impact on me. But here, I don't know if I could count them on my hands. The experiences I've had with the people I've met here have made me a better friend, a better person, a better student, and a better employee. I think people have even inspired me to be a better parent, one day. I feel like I've been supported by a great network that has been slowly growing over my time here. I know you have my back. People here see a potential in me that had gone unnoticed.

Camp, especially, has a special place in my heart. I think that camp really brought out the best in me, and made me realize how well I fit here. When I arrived at pre-camp, I was unsure of what kind of counsellor I wanted to be. But I realize now that I was actually unsure of what kind of person the staff and kids alike would view me as. As I was saying, I'm becoming the person I've imagined. I hadn't realized until the staff and campers spoke to me and pointed out bits and pieces I'd been searching for. I'm the outdoorsy nature girl, full of hidden talents and who's not afraid to laugh at herself. I'm the counsellor who will dance her butt off in front of an entire gym of people just to make one upset camper laugh. I'm the kind of person that will barrel down a rock slope on a bike although I'm terrified, but pretend it's the most awesome thing ever so the kids aren't as afraid as I am. I'm Gerber. And it rocks.

Another thing I've found at Trent was a place to try new things and really explore. I love that I can take the time to venture out at any time of year and discover something new. Working for camp, in particular, has helped me with this. I've recently tried my hand at rock climbing, mountain biking, spelunking and body surfing. And if you know me, you know anything new and outside is up my alley...

The aspect of personal health and fitness is also very important to me. My life in Peterborough is very active. I love my early morning bike rides along the Rotary Trail. It gives me time to wake up and organize my thoughts. I also find it amusing that I see the same commuters each day on my way to work, who I've become accustomed to waving 'good morning' to. An active life is important to me. During the year, I swim, run, climb, and do yoga often. I'm hoping to get involved with some organized sports such as soccer and ultimate this year -- my competitive side is rumbling...As for health, my roommate and I eat fairly healthy. We love to cook, and I've discovered that cooking is one of my favourite passtimes, when I have the time for it.

All in all, I do well here. I like running in the mornings, British breakfasts with Jen, doodling during classes, hiking for field labs, coffee downtown, making lasagna, playing with the neighbour's dog, hanging out in the pub, and late night walks in the park.

But who's to say I won't move on one day?

I can only hope to find the same happiness I have here, at any point in my life.

Adventure

Anyone who knows me well will know that I have a certain sense of adventure.

I love nothing more than to try something new, particularly if it's outside or musical, or both.

These past few weeks have been filled with opportunities to try new things, and I've been so excited to be getting my adventure buzz back. To bring you up to speed, I've been working at a beach as a lifeguard and at a sports camp for the last little bit. This means that I've had to step out of my regular comfort zone and test out new skills and abilities in many environments.

For my NLS Waterfront, I got to learn how to clear a snorkel and mask underwater (side note, how hilarious is the word 'snorkel'?!) how to use a paddleboard, and how to surf ski (which is amazing!). I also learned a great game called Beach Flags which is played on a beach volleyball court.

With camp, I got to try a little bit of everything the camp offers. This includes mountain biking (I did the stairs!), body surfing (jumping in the river after a dam), tscheukball (sp?) rowing and dragon boating in the paddling tank, and the low ropes course.  Not quite as adventuresome, but I also gained a wide knowledge of camp songs, games, and sports.

Basically, I'm pumped to be getting out and pushing my boundaries a bit.

I feel that the reason I like trying new things so much is that I'm the kind of person who likes to be just a little bit good at everything. I don't say this to be boastful, it's actually quite the opposite. I'm a perfectionist in the way that I have to put 100% into everything I do, but only to the extent of my abilities. By 'a little bit good at everything' I mean that I just like to know enough about a wide variety of things in order to be able to put some effort in. I like being able to say 'hey, I've done this before, let's see how much I can improve'.

My sense of adventure, in this way, has led to me having an array of skills, but I'm not necessarily skillful. Which suits me just fine! In fact, I got my camp name from being similar to a utilitiy tool (no, my camp name is not Tool). I have a ton of hidden talents and skills that can come in handy when needed.

Thus, I'm just a little bit knowledgeable with things photography, rock climbing, guitar, harmonica, painting, kayaking, rowing, golf, cross country skiing, and yes, blogging.

But that's not to say that I limit myself to being only knowledgeable. When I try new things, I like to keep working at them to see improvement, and to throw myself once again into the proverbial uncharted waters. Although, sometimes they aren't proverbial, there really are uncharted waters.

I'm a person who's not afraid to toe the comfort level boundary.

Sometimes I need a little assurance or prompting, but generally, if I want to do something, I'm probably going to do it. I like to use a skydiving analogy for this. If I were to ever skydive, this is how my in-flight conversation would go.

"Wooooooo, this view is AWESOME."
"When do I get to jump?!"
"You sure this thing is on right?"
"Do I jump yet?"
"Oh god, I gotta jump soon!"
"Should I really be doing this?"
(Person: "Yeah. You got it.")
"You sure?!"
(Person: "You know you want to try it.")
"It's scary!"
(Person: "You're all over this. Go for it. Do it!")
"Yeah?"
(Person: "Yeah!")
"YEAHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!"

So I'll conclude with a list of adventuresome things I'd like to do one day.

- Long Range Traverse
- Macchu Picchu
- West Highland Way
- Whitewater Rafting
- Whitewater Kayaking
- Geocaching
- Outdoor Climbing/Bouldering
- Caving
- Ziplining/more high ropes
- Wakeboarding
- Kitesurfing
- Real Windsurfing
- Bungee jumping
- Horseback Riding (in a forest)
- Dirtbiking/Ride a Motorcycle

You probably think I'm crazy.

I probably am :)

The Key to Happiness

It has been over a year since the acquisition of my camera. I was contemplating this today, and thought, what a better tribute for Zeus and I’s first anniversary together than to showcase our year’s work? I’ve included a small amount of pictures (hey 50-some is small in terms of 365 days), some of which you may have already seen, some you perhaps haven’t.

I’m going to share a tidbit of information with you.

I know nothing about photography.

Not joking. I’ve barely even read the owner’s manual for my Olympus E-volt, never mind taken a photography class.

I don’t know a thing about how to take a half-decent picture.

But here’s my secret.

You don’t need to capture a beautiful photo as much as a beautiful moment.

For me, photography isn’t about getting the shot right; it’s about preserving a memory.

I think, through my photographic experiences, I’ve learned a little life lesson, which I’m going to share with you.

The key to happiness is seeing the beauty in small moments.

It’s taking the time to notice how amazing that millisecond is in its entirety. It’s taking a step back (or a step closer, in some cases) to look at the world around you, the land, the people, the animals, the sky, and seeing something special.

My approach to photography is fairly haphazard, but it works. I just do what I do on a day-to-day basis, except I have a shutter button to capture what I see for later.

I tend to forget how full our lives are with beautiful moments.

Children laughing, trees turning, water splashing, people smiling, even ducks with itchy butts.

Photography brings me back to appreciating the beauty of my life.

Colour, space, movement, light, dark, big, small.

It’s all there.

...if you can see it.

So, in no particular order, here are my beautiful moments, or some of them.

 Purple Aster in the Trent Nature Areas

 My sister, Ali, at the Peterborough Zoo

 Fall in Millenium Park

 Paddling at Charleston Lake, Ontario

 Cass, the stud

 One of my favourites -- Muskoka chairs at the Noonan's Nest on Salmon Trout Lake

 Clouds by the Oshawa Airport/field behind my house

 My Goddaughter, Kate, and friends colouring at my cousin's wedding

 Kate playing with my necklace at Dance for Life

 Dad, being a goof

 Danny wakeboarding on Salmon Trout

 Some barnyard daisies in Kingston, Ontario

 An interesting dragonfly on the Rotary Trail in Peterborough, Ontario

 Waterdroplets on a leaf near Big Clear Lake outside of Apsley

 A cautious duckling

 An itchy duckling

 A waterfall by Millenium Park

 Fall in Nichols Oval, Peterborough

 A yellow flower in Millennium Park, Peterborough

 A particularly grumpy goat

 Gold taking a snooze in Kingston

 Spring grass somewhere unknown in Peterborough

 Hermann the Heron, landing at Charleston Lake

 A sunset house on the Otonabee River

 James.

 My little cousin (read, pretend niece) Jane Claire colouring thoughtfully

 Jane Claire, looking much more ferocious than above

 Some random person on a rock

 Why is said random person holding my Goddaughter? And wearing my scarf?

 Ohhhh, it's Jenny, looking happy at Charleston Lake

 Godfather Joey with little bro, Gerry (also known as Dad)

 Kate, being adorable with bubbles at my parents' house in Oshawa

 Kate, complete with ever-persent drool, holding her Mom's hand

 Mum, and long-time neighbour Karen sharing a laugh on Canada Day

 Fall in Nichols Oval, Peterborough

 Ground control to Major Tom, Gerry is about to flatten you.

 My personal favourite, loon with chicks on Big Clear Lake

 Middle Earth. Ok, no, it's the Lady Eaton Drumlin in fall colour

 My parents out back in Oshawa, Ontario

 Mushrooms on a log bench in Temagami, Ontario

 My very handsome father

 Sunset at the Silver Bean Cafe, Peterborough

 Those lovely chairs again

 My house in Peterborough, complete with storm, rainbow, and blooming cherry tree

 Relaxing at Bob's Cove on Charleston Lake

 Calm morning water at Charleston Lake

 Rain droplets on a white rose

 Hanging out at the cottage (only took one shot...photograph, I mean)

 My childhood best friend, Vickie, with some pretty cool Raybans

 A beautiful sunset on Charleston Lake

 Not from Zeus, but my boots overlooking Rat Lake near Gravenhurst, Ontario

 A plant and two friends near the Trent campus in Peterborough

 The Trent University John DePencier Trail

 Sunset on Sandy Inlet at Camp Wanapitei

Waterfall downtown Peterborough

Willy, one of my favourite and most inspiring teachers I've ever had the fortune to have; he taught me how to effectively deal with 'hiker's foot' :)

If you were patient and interested enough to make it to the end of the post, I thank you :) I'm also wondering if you'd like to leave a comment and tell me how you feel about the blog so far and the photos. Zeus and I have certainly been busy!

Also, I've been looking for more opportunities to shoot on a regular basis, so if you have people, pets, properties, plants, or even pork pies you want picturequely preserved, please give me a shout! I'd especially love to try my hand at portraits (not joking, despite the preposterous alliteration), so if you'd like some family photos free of charge give me a shout!

-- C