Wanting What You Can't Have: A 90's Throwback

"The best way to realize the pleasure of feeling rich is to live in a smaller house than your means would entitle you to have."
— Edward Clarke


Remember when you were a kid, and you had those clip-on things that stuck to your bicycle wheel spokes?

<-- These thingies!

If you were a 90's kid, you'll remember.

Let's talk about them for a bit.

There was a kid in my neighbourhood who had them first; and every kid on the block from that day after had to get those little bits of plastic. After that first day when he sped down the avenue on his miniature bicycle, with those sparkly, red, clip-on sliders, every kid in the neighbourhood wanted ones just like them. So, of course, I went inside to my mom and asked her for some, because I just had to have them.

But my birthday wasn't until April, so I had to watch all the kids in the area get them before I did. I would watch them whiz around the courts and boulevards and avenues, shining in the sun, sliding along the spokes of the tiny bikes like little red waterskimmers.

So, on my birthday, I open my presents with trepidation, only to find a package of red clip-on sliders! Although it's raining and getting dark out, I run outside and stick them on my bike anyway, eager to show all the kids that I had gotten what I wanted, that I was one of them.

But as I whiz out onto the stree, I see the same little boy who had started the trend riding towards me.

"Look what I got!" he yells, and skids towards me. I look down at his tires.

And there, in place of the red sparkly sliders, is a pair of glow-in-the-dark ones.
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First of all, this blog post isn't about keeping up with trends. I suppose it has to do with it, but not the whole issue. This blog is about wanting things. It's happened to us all at some point, I'm sure. We want things every day.

We want food, we want sleep, we want coffee, we want hugs, we want sunshine, we want books, couches, televisions, ipods, friends, lessons, breath mints, celebrities, clothes, washing machines, cheese-its, toilet paper, shoes, cars, houses, company...

In the wise words of Ralph Wiggum;

"We like...stuff."

We know what it's like to want something. When you want it, it's all you can think about. It haunts your dreams, swims behind your eyes, pops up in every expected and unexpected place. It consumes you until you fantasize about it enough that you think that if you have this thing, you will be a happier person.

Is that true?

Maybe.

I suppose it depends.

But my point is that you want something. And you won't rest until you have it.

But often, we want things we just can't have. That's happened to you before, I know it. You wanted to fly but you couldn't have wings. You wanted little Tracey's bike -- not one like it, no you want it, because her dad painted it and it looks better. You wanted your brother's room, but he got there first. You wanted your best friend's book collection, your dad's car, your neighbour's lawn, your friend's spouse, your boss' job.

Yep. We want things, alright. Even when we know full well we can't have them.

Wants are like the red clip-ons on your bike wheel. They don't really do anything fundamental to your transportation, but they make you feel much better. They're shiny, they're attractive, they make noises and let you know they're there.

Needs, however, are like the spokes on your bike wheel. They hold up the frame, they distribute weight evenly between all the points, making full contact and letting you go where you need to go and do what you need to do. Without them, you'd be nowhere.

But the needs get rusty and just seem to be in the way; we need to decorate them up with useless wants to avoid looking at our needs and recognizing them for what they do.

Needs will always be there, however. You'll always need the spokes in your life; your family, your friends, your peace of mind, maintaining health, food, water, some semblance of shelter.

Your wants will be like the red sliders; they'll go out of fashion and someone will come up with new ones that you will want later.

It's hard not to get distracted from your needs. We always manage to fulfill our needs somehow, but our minds are constantly on our wants.

It can be frustrating, because the things you "want but can't have" will always be there, because you can never have something you don't know you want yet -- like the glow-in-the-dark decorations on that little boy's bike. We are always chasing something else; we never have the things we want for good, because they never satisfy us.

Your needs, however, will always satisfy you, as long as you recognize them for what they are.

The funny thing, however, is that we almost need to want something. (Yeah, I know you read that twice because it didn't make sense. It's ok.)

But if you simply follow your wants and not maintain your needs, bad things can happen. It can even get to the point where you forget about your needs completely, and the spokes of your life break and fall out, and pretty soon you're left sitting on the pavement with a handful of red sliders and a flat tire.

We compulsively want things to make our lives better, when all we need to do to make our lives better is shine up those spokes and pump some air into our tires so we can set off on a new journey; no amount of red sliders are going to help you embark on a journey...in fact, they might even slow you down.

So focus on your needs; the things that are essential. Perhaps you could keep a small want in your pocket, for motivation, but that's all you have room for on your journey of life.

See you on the road.
-- Cate












ps...perhaps my follow-up piece will be how this relates to the environment...