The Hardest Part

I've just realized something.

Something big.

Something that I now feel like I should have known, something everyone should know.

The hardest part of life isn't writing essays or getting to work on time or juggling three kids and making dinner, or even battling cancer or losing people you love. Those things can be hard, but they're not the hardest thing in the world.

The hardest part of living is being honest with yourself.

The hardest things aren't the essays; it's admitting to yourself that you just don't care enough about the subject. It's not getting to work on time; it's realizing that you don't want to leave the house one minute earlier than you have to because you really just can't stand being harassed by your coworkers. It's not juggling three kids and making dinner; it's knowing that you're too busy to actually sit down with them and find out what they're up to. It's not battling cancer; it's that you don't know if you did everything that you wanted to in life. It's not losing someone you love; it's realizing that you love them, far too late.
I suppose that sounded pessimistic; but we can be honest with ourselves so much easier about the good things in life.

We don't need to keep things so deep inside that we don't even know they're there.

Today I came to a realization.

And it wasn't a great one.

But it was important.

And I don't yet know how it changes things; I just know that it makes a whole lot more sense.

I think I stopped writing for a while there because I wasn't be honest with myself. And how could I possibly expect myself to be honest with you and give you insight when I can't even do that alone?


Another thing I've learned; it's hard to be honest with yourself, even if you're honest with the people you love.

It's also even harder (for me, at least) to accept honesty from other people. I had a friend try to help me come to this conclusion and I was hearing none of it.

She was right, I suppose. And although she didn't get her point across to me the way I needed it put, I now know that she understood. That she understands.Thank you.

So listen to the people who are honest with you! They make a whole lot more sense than you think. In fact, half the time your friends (the good ones) are telling you the things you already know, but you just won't admit to yourself.

Come to terms with something that's been bothering you. You may not know what it is yet, but one day, when you take a moment to just be with yourself and your thoughts, you'll realize something. Something you've known all along but ignored without realizing.

Your life won't become any less complicated.

But you'll know for next time not to hold things in, and you'll be honest with yourself more often. Maybe save you from heartbreak down the road.

I'm sorry I had to be vague here; it probably makes very little sense. But know that things will be ok if you're honest with yourself; you've already conquered half of life's complexities.

This all started with some inspiring PostSecrets I found.

Here are my favourites.

Some of them might even be mine...

Fall Colours

I know it's been a while; been so busy!


I've been out with the camera lately trying to catch some fall colours; here are some of the best of the best.

Enjoy!

A Second Spring

"Autumn is a second spring when every leaf is a flower." -- Albert Camus

Welcome back, everyone!

It's been a while, I know. I randomly took August off of blogging, for a multitude of reasons.

a) I was organizing, instructing, and examining the advanced leadership classes at the pool

b) I had company over from Scotland, my sister returned from her extended stay in Australia

c) My computer caught an unfortunate virus and crashed.

So, it's been a busy few weeks finishing up work, entertaining company, and moving into the new house. By the way, we are starting a blog about living environmentally in a student house over at sustainable shots. Check it out, we'll be updating regularly in no time!

Anyway, back to the blog.

I've been trying to enjoy the summer as best I can, with work, entertaining, and getting things done. Most people love the summer months. I do, as most, enjoy warm weather.

But by far, my favourite time of year is fall. I crave the fall all year. I love the change of colour, the smell of cold air in the morning, the crinkle and crunch of leaves underfoot. Some people find fall depressing, as if it were a time of slow decay and sadness.

But think of it this way; all the trees losing their leaves are sowing seeds for next spring. Really, it's a time of great change, of an old generation passing onto the next. Thus the meaning of Albert Camus' quote; "every leaf is a flower"; as every leaf turns colour and glides down through the air, more seeds are spread for trees to further flourish in the spring.

I love fall because I find it refreshing. The cold snap of air that hits your face in the morning is a wake-up call; an alarm to rouse you from that seductive, sleepy pull of hazy summer nights. It reminds you that there are things that need to be done, but at the same time, it requires so much of your senses to experience the full breadth of autumn that you're almost preoccupied with it's beauty.

"Autumn is the eternal corrective. It is ripeness and color and a time of maturity;
but it is also breadth, and depth, and distance.  What man can stand with autumn
on a hilltop and fail to see the span of his world and the meaning of the rolling
hills that reach to the far horizon?"-   Hal Borland

Autumn makes me remember what I'm driven to do. It reminds me that time passes quickly, that each falling leaf is a passing second -- but each second should be enjoyed for what it will be worth later. 

As I mentioned, autumn is a time of regeneration. What a wonderful time to go back to school; to learn bits of information from older generations that can teach us about the past and to help us understand what's to come. A time when nature ensures that life goes on is also a time when knowledge is passed on.

My suggestion to you is to go out and enjoy the fall weather; don't think of it as decay so much as a time of great change. Grab a chai tea, take some time on the bike path, have a good think, and get ready for the school year. 

Take a minute to reset your goals; make a goal for the day, for the week, for the month, for the year. It'll help you be a little more driven and focused. It doesn't  have to be an academic goal. It can be anything. For example, mine are:

Today: Practice harmonica for at least 15 minutes.

This Week: Learn 3 new songs on guitar.

This Month: Transfer all written lecture notes to OneNote as soon as I get home.

This Year: Look up sources for assignments as soon as I get them.

And, last but certainly not least,

Forever: Be nicer to everyone. :)

Ah, also, if you're in Peterborough or somewhere with decent bike trails or nice neighbourhoods, go for a nice little cruise on your bike; you'll feel awesome after, especially with the right playlist.

And do I have some great fall songs for you? Of course.

The Ballad of Hugo Chavez -- The Arkells
Winter Winds -- Mumford and Sons (current favourite)

Arizona -- Kings of Leon

Sweet Disposition -- The Temper Trap

Meo Bloonasir -- Sigur Ros

Don't Stop Believin' -- Journey

Peaches and Cream -- The John Butler Trio

Hoppipolla -- Sigur Ros

Bobcaygeon-- The Tragically Hip

Helpless -- Neil Young

Supersonic -- Oasis

Warning Sign -- Coldplay

King of the Road -- The Proclaimers

And just for fun:

We Speak No Americano -- Yolanda Be Cool feat. DCUP.

Enjoy!

See ya outside.

-- C

Disappointment and Life Lessons

"Even though the global population is soaring into the billions, with thousands of religions, languages, philosophies, and cultures represented, ultimately, there are only two kinds of people.

There are those who are certain the world is going to hell in a handbasket, and those who believe in the best is yet to come. 

(Actually, there is a third kind of person who thinks traditional Irish dance is the highest form of creative expression, but I really don't want to talk about them.)"

-- Bradley Trevor Grieve, Tomorrow: Adventures in an Uncertain World
 

This week, I have been disappointed. Many times, in many ways.

I am an optimistic person. I'm the one who sees the silver lining, the glass half full, the bright side. Even when I'm telling you my doubts, I'm still hoping against all odds that something good will happen.

And normally, it does.

I'm a perfectionist. A vapid, raging perfectionist. Just ask the friend who stared at me this weekend as I painted and re-painted a wooden box four times and still proclaimed that I didn't like it. If something's not right, and I know it, I will do everything I can do fix it.

I'm not easily disappointed. Because, as you can see, I try, try again. It's not that I'm stubborn (ok maybe a little), it's just that I have a compulsive need to prove myself worthy; not only to other people, but namely to myself. I am likely my own worst enemy. And I can't stand to fall short of my own expectations.

Thus, I don't fail things. I don't lose things. I don't make mistakes very often.

And when I do...God, it hurts. And this week, I suppose I had some cosmic forces just waiting to throw all the shit into the fan at once...and hit high power. I'm talking my whole life's worth of fail I haven't experienced yet.

Yes, I have had an absolutely horrid week. And while I won't go into detail, I will tell you what I've learned.

As much as I loathe to admit, disappointment can be a good thing.

I learned that yes, I am the one I disappoint the most. It doesn't really matter all that much what other people think. And all my life, I've been living up to other people's expectations because I was afraid of not living up to them. So I've been setting my own bar higher so I can be sure I won't fall short of the mark.

The only problem with that is, when you don't quite reach it, you only have further to fall.

But disappointment has taught me something else; you can measure your happiness in hope. I've always been happy trying to strive for more. It's not the trying that's the hard part, it's dealing with the fall. But if you had the audacity to hope and to try in the beginning, then you sure as hell have the guts to keep on going no matter what.

So, I will keep trying, and I suppose I'll fail again at some point in my life. And when it happens, I can look back on Epically Crappy Week and remember the lessons I've learned; that I can only disappoint myself, and that I had the guts to go on now, so I better have the guts later, too.

I've also been thinking of this from an environmental standpoint. Disappointments come every day in environmental issues, from many different groups and many different people. The oil spill is still leaking, the ice sheets are melting, air quality is causing deaths, the cancer rate is on the rise. But there are the strong few who believe that there is hope. That we can get past the disappointments and keep working our way to the top.

I think I'm a good fit for environmental issues because I'm that person who will just keep going, no matter what. I don't give up. I see the bright side. I have faith that we can learn from our mistakes.

And if everyone could realize this, we'd be in a better place, personally and physically.

Disappointments aren't the worst thing that can happen. Deaths and tragedies and accidents aren't disappointments; they're horrible and unavoidable mishaps, most of the time.

So my week could have been much crappier. I realize this. Hey, I'm looking on the bright side already!

The thing with the environment is that we can stop mishaps from happening; we can stop global warming if we try and just have the hope and drive to continue.

There will always be disappointments. There will be things that are your fault, and things that are beyong your control. You will fail some tests, you will lose an opportunity;  there will be environmental disasters and there will be failed prototypes.

Apparently my dad was destined to accidentally recycle a thousand dollars.

Shit happens.

But there's always tomorrow; your life isn't over yet. The world hasn't ended yet.

And it's the "yet" that keeps me going.

I highly recommend you read "Tomorrow: Adventures in an Uncertain World" by Bradley Trevor Grieve. It's a great book, made for kids and adults alike, that will guarantee you feel better after reading it. It certainly helped me this week. Here's another excerpt.

Although it may not be on your mind right now, the wisdom you glean from your joys and hardships can always be shared with someone else and, by doing so, you will leave the world a little better than when you found it.

In the meantime, I suggest you keep your chin up, put your walking shoes on, and follow your heart to the ends of the earth.

As you make this journey, always remember that each day is a precious gift. If you can enjoy it for what it is and make the most of it, then believe it or not, there is another extraordinary gift waiting for you. 

Tomorrow.